Rude Awakenings. That’s what my Dad called them. He could predict when someone was setting themselves up for a rude awakening. When they were being a little too high and mighty. A little too sure of themselves. A little too full of advice for others. A bit bossy.
I have set myself up for plenty of rude awakenings. And, often, after the fact, I remember Dad’s little lesson about rude awakenings.
Here’s the way it goes down. I figure out what is best for somebody else. Get all high and mighty about it and Boom. Rude Awakening. If they would only do exactly what I say, things would turn out. Boom. Why are they so determined to screw up their life? Boom
How often do you catch yourself thinking or speaking from a place of judgement?
Perhaps, like me, you have attended the Academy of Rude Awakenings. Heck, I’m a guest lecturer. That is, my Ego is. Her name is Mego. And, she’s brilliant. Just ask her. She’ll tell you exactly what she thinks, and why she’s right. And, how you are wrong.
Ahhhhhh, Mego. She means well. She just wants to help. Or, does she? Mego is not my Amigo.
This Week’s Challenge:
Pay attention to your attention.
How often do you get into the business of other people’s business?
And begin advising. Without a request to do so.
How might this be impacting your friendships and family relationships?
How might this be taking your attention and energy away from leading your best
life?
Pay attention to your attention.
Love, jeanne…doing it with you not to you
---- Week 42
The Fonz
Best known as The Fonz in television’s Happy Days series, (1974-1984) Henry Winkler became the biggest icon on television. Playing the role of Arthur Fonzarelli, better known as Fonzie or the Fonz, Winkler found himself locked in. The entertainment world refused to see him as anyone other than the Fonz.
Winkler writes about feeling just the opposite of cool in his new book, Becoming Henry. After Happy Days ended in 1984, Winkler could not get acting roles until 1991. He felt “rudderless” during that period. Discombobulated.
As Winkler struggled to find a place for himself, he started his own production company and called it Fair Dinkum Productions. The name fair dinkum was taken from Australian English slang, meaning something is “honest” or “authentic.”
In a journey to discover his own authenticity, Henry Winkler went on to produce TV shows like MacGyver, direct several movies, and act in plays such as Neil Simon’s The Dinner Party.
He co-authored a series of children’s books adapted for BBC television, about the adventures and misadventures of the ever resourceful, struggling student Hank Zipzer.
Fictional character, Hank Zipzer, and creator Henry Winkler shared many things in common, including a learning challenge. Dyslexia. Dyslexia can cause your brain to process written language differently affecting reading and language skills. Winkler discovered the name for his struggles in his early thirties.
Never quite shaking the Fonzie aura and forever struggling with the written word, Henry reveals decades of feeling discombobulated while continuously putting himself out there in new roles.
I find inspiration in Henry Winkler’s determination to Just Keep Growing through massive success and more than a few professional failures.
Set a goal to achieve something so big, so exhilarating that it excites you and scares you all at the same time. Bob Proctor
This Week’s Challenge:
Do you have a goal that is both exciting and scary?
Love, jeanne…doing it with you not to you
---- Week 43
I Don't Know
I love having answers at my fingertips. And, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in my addiction to instant information.
We have access to a steady stream of news stories from our favorite sources.
We have a question. Google has an answer.
We need directions, Google has a map.
We have a problem. Algorithms imitate step by step reasoning that we humans once used when solving puzzles or problems.
We become ill at ease with not knowing. Artificial intelligence please.
While quick answers, facts, and data can be super helpful, life gives us plenty of big hairy tests for which there is no quick answer or tested approach. We’re stumped. We got nothing. It’s too complicated. Too complex. Too unique.
What happens when we own up, when we admit that we just don’t know?
Not knowing can pave the way to learn or discover something new. We may have to practice a bit of humility, but is that such a bad thing?
Rainer Maria Rilke introduced the notion of living in the question. Living in a state of not knowing. Living in a state of curiosity, wonder, and humility. This practice leads us to acknowledge and integrate the complexities of being human. The complexities of a particular situation or circumstance.
The state of not knowing can set us on a quest to seek new information and insight, to solve a complex puzzle or mystery.
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Become at ease with the state of not knowing. Ranier Maria Rilke
This Week’s Challenge:
Identify a current dilemma, problem or situation that has you stumped. Ask yourself a few questions. What is the situation? What is at stake? How urgent/important is resolving this? Why? What do I think I know about the situation. My premise. What do I need to know to move forward. Where might I go to learn or gain new perspective? Be creative. Be humble. What will I do next? Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Love, jeanne…doing it with you not to you
---- Week 44
Hey, Make it a Great Day
I consider myself a very happy, upbeat, glass half full kind of person.
But, and this is a Big But…..I thrive on order. Especially in my living and work
space. When my physical environment gets tossed, becomes messy, disorganized, or disorderly, I freak. I feel lost, disoriented, anxious.
Fix It Now becomes my mantra.
First, the freak out. Then the fix. Then the happiness.
I’ve noticed that my happiness tends to hinge on things working out just the way I want them to.
Serenity sets in for a time and then something comes along and upends my sense of order. This week’s something was a ginormous rain storm dumping inches and inches of rain within a couple of hours. Our sump pump failed to suck fast enough. Our lower level was completely submerged in rain water. My workspace. A bedroom. A living area. A bathroom. And more.
The restoration crew is on site ripping up all the flooring with great gusto. And, much racket. This tearing up and ripping apart is not a peaceful process. I dare not look upon the mess for fear of turning into the biblical pillar of salt.
After indulging in a full out freak fest, a message surely meant just for me popped up on my Facebook feed.
If you want to be happy, be happy on purpose. When you wake up in the morning, don’t wait to see what kind of day you’ll have. Decide what kind of day it will be. Decide to be happy on purpose. Everyday. No. Matter. What.
I am reminded of a dearly departed family friend who wrapped up every conversation by saying "Make it a Great Day.” This power packed phrase reminds me that I get to choose how each day goes. Not the circumstances. Not the disappointments. Not the messiness. Not even the good stuff. I get to decide. I don’t have to be at the effect of situations, circumstances or failing sump pumps.
My new mantra: The only thing that should suck from this day forward is my new and improved sump pump. Groundwater, begone.
This Week’s Challenge:
Make it a Great Day. Everyday. Choose to be at Cause. Be happy on purpose.
Love, jeanne…doing it with you not to you
---- Week 45
Good Grief
To live is to lose. To lose is to grieve. To grieve is to grow.
We are bound to experience loss. A lot. A loved one passes. Our health takes a turn. A chapter in our work life comes to an end. Our home or a favorite place is destroyed. Our belief in a particular ideal is shattered. A friendship comes to an end. We may even lose friends or loved ones to differences in politics.
None of us gets a pass.
To live is to lose. To live long is to lose a lot.
We focus so much attention and energy on winning.
We focus so little attention on losing. On how to lose. And on how to honor ourselves in grieving our losses.
I want to write about losing. I want to learn to lose better. I want to learn to grow through loss.
Perhaps the first step in this curriculum could be to simply notice how we are inclined to react to loss.
I’ll go first.
When I experience any kind of loss, I tend to:
review what I might have done differently, how I might have prevented the loss.
recount all the aspects of the situation I should be grateful for.
increase my positivity. Up the gladness level.
suppress sadness.
I am not disrespecting myself for how I handle loss. I am just wondering how I might grow by more fully owning and experiencing legitimate sadness. To allow grief to flow. To invite grief to alter me in fundamental ways.
To live is to lose. How might learning to more fully own my sadness help me grow?
How might I just keep growing through loss?
This Week’s Challenge:
Think of a specific loss. Perhaps one you have grieved through. How did the loss contribute to your personal or professional growth?
Consider a loss you are currently experiencing or working through. What are the possible gifts in this situation? How might your loss contribute to your growth.
Love, Jeanne ---- Week 46
For the Love of Family
Our family and friends reunited last week for a series of gatherings, planned and spontaneous. Celebrations. Reunions. Worship. Singing. Picnics. BBQs.
Contingents from both coasts and parts in between dodged flight fiascos, floods, and other disasters, natural and unnatural. All for a bit of togetherness. To celebrate. To mix and match memories. To craft and layer another experience onto our legacy.
We celebrated 95 years of wedded bliss. 50 years for one couple, 45 years for another. We celebrated four generations being together. We remembered and honored those who have passed. We sent up prayers of gratitude. Prayers for continued blessings. For health, for safe travels, for ideal weather, for receding flood waters.
Waterslide and bounce house for the littles. Important jobs for the big kids. Setting up. Taking down. Picking and arranging flowers, welcoming guests, escorting elders, serving food.
Brother John pulled together images and music spanning 7 decades to tell the story of family and of love. Our great nephew hosted a family walk/run. We managed to work in arcade adventures and plenty of pool time.
We staged a photo of my mom and me with our greats. Her great grandchildren and my great nieces and nephews. 16 kids 11 years and younger. Click. Another precious moment captured and forever celebrated.
How are you being intentional about shaping the experiences you want to remember?
The experiences you want for others?
The memories you want to create and sustain for yourself and your loved ones?
How are these experiences shaping your personal growth and the growth of those you love?
Love, jeanne
---- Week 47
Time Out!
Let’s take a little break and catch up with one another next week.
This Week’s Contemplation:
Taking a break can lead to breakthroughs. Russell Eric Dobda
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. Anne Lamott
The paradox of relaxation is the renewal of the mind, rekindling of spirit, and revitalizing of strength. Lailah Gifty Akita
Love, jeanne
---- Week 48
To Fix It or Let it Be?
We have not come this far without being good problem solvers, you and me.
We’re good at fixing things. Everything from broken furniture to fractured relationships.
We are programmed to seek solutions and quickly move on. In our haste to fix problems, we may get caught up in blame. We may blame ourselves or someone else. I have never seen one single instance when blaming has solved a problem. I have seen way too many situations where blame makes the problem worse. Way worse.
Blaming leads to defensiveness. Resistance. Resistance that keeps the problem firmly in place generating new, more complex problems.
Back to my original point. We are hardwired to seek solutions. It’s how we survive and thrive. I’ve even been known to buy solutions for problems I didn’t know I had. More times than I care to admit. Marketing gurus know to start with a solution and back right into the problem.
Our propensity to just fix it can easily extend to other people’s problems. We may get caught up in all kinds of search and rescue missions, as we generate solutions looking for problems to solve.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, taught us that while we may have legitimate concerns about multiple issues, it is wise to discern which of those issues are within our control and which are outside of our control. Somewhere in the middle are the problems or issues we have a shot at influencing. Dr. Covey suggested we distinguish which category a particular problem fits into and invest our energy wisely.
So, what do you do about those concerns or problems over which you have no control? When you discern which of those you might influence, choose if and how you want to go about exercising your influence, one problem at a time.
When you discern which of those problems you cannot see a way to influence, consider exercising your faith and trusting that things will turn out how they are meant to be.
Let July be July
Let August be August, and Let Yourself just be
Even in uncertainty
You don’t have to fix everything
And you can still find peace
And grow in the world of changing things. This Week’s Challenge:
What’s troubling you?
Are you able to identify specific problems or concerns?
Pick one that seems to be weighing heavily on your mind or heart.
What would be an optimal solution or resolution from your perspective?
What aspects of the situation are within your control? Be honest.
What aspects of the situation might you exercise or increase your influence?
What actions will you take, if any? Letting it go and trusting that all will be as is needs to be is always an option.
Love, jeanne
---- Week 49
Over Competent & Under Water
So, you are good at a lot of things. You are so good, so competent, that it may be difficult for others to measure up to your standards. And there you are, multi-tasking your life away. Giving a little attention to this, a little attention to that. Expecting perfection. And, this works until you find yourself drowning in a load of work.
If this sounds about right, if you believe you need to do everything perfectly all the time, then I’m talking to you, Bat Man.
You may have mastered most everything you set out to do, but have you mastered the most empowering competency of all. Asking for Help.
In decades of coaching high performing leaders, we teach and coach accomplished professionals to perfect the art and science of making requests.
They may be reluctant at first, because they feel it is a weakness or they simply do not know how to ask for help. They overlook the obvious. Other people who want to grow, learn new skills, who want to contribute at higher levels.
Whether they are our colleague or our kid, we can trust that they want to Just Keep Growing. Just as you do. And, we may be constraining their growth if we do not help them build competence and confidence by asking more of them.
Since you are not asking me, I’m giving you the recipe anyway. The recipe for Making a Clear Request and Gaining Commitment.
Pay Attention. Notice the tasks you are doing. Identify the tasks that deserve more attention. The tasks that could help another grow and increase their capacity to contribute. Pick one and make a request.
What is a request?
It’s not a favor. A request is a specific ask for something you need. Either tangible or intangible. It’s an opportunity to increase competence and build confidence within another person by allowing them, trusting them, to take on something new. Or inviting them to help you, or the organization, in a meaningful way.
Here's how it works.
Pay attention to what you are doing. The work. The tasks. Identify opportunities to ask another for help. What do you need. Who will you ask? Why is this task important or vital?
Identify the person you want to help grow.
Make a very clear ask of what you want and need.
Be very specific.
I need X by Y and here’s why (it’s important.)
Can/will you be able to complete that?
Listen for a response
Accept – Yes.
Decline – No. (Ask Why they are unable.)
Commit to Commit Later – They can’t do X by Y, but they can do it by Z.
Counter Offer- They can’t do X but they can do A.
You are going for a committed response. So, “I’ll try” is not a commitment.
This is not meant to be a formula or a prescription. Only to provide the framework to asking for help and gaining commitment in a meaningful way. A way that helps others grow in competence and confidence. Isn’t that what leaders are meant to do? To help others grow?
To learn more about how to help others increase their capacity through making clear requests, give me a shout. jeanne@justkeepgrowing.biz. This Week’s Challenge:
Start by listing tasks or responsibilities that you need/would like to have help with.
Pick one task and ask yourself who could do this as well or better than you. Or who do you want to grow and develop?
Make a request.
Gain a commitment.
And just keep growing…yourself and others.
Love, jeanne
---- Week 50
A Word from the Litterbox
Smitten with Kittens, a tiny book from my Auntie Ina, arrived just after I was put on notice for being a Childless Cat Woman. Aunt Ina has always been there for me. As my Aunt. As my Other Mother. As my Friend.
I am still processing the implications of this threat from high places for women like me who either could not or chose not to bear children. Women who have sought and fought to carve out meaningful roles and ways to contribute apart from being someone’s mama.
When a hurtful and ignorant statement like this is hurled my way, I tend to take it personal. I feel disrespected. Diminished. As a true cat woman, I get hissed off. Seriously, hissed off. MeOuch!
Then I get over it. And I get on with it. I get busy figuring out what I can do from my little place on this big planet.
I do not consider myself a political person, but I would like to think that I am a good person. A thoughtful person. An intelligent person. A person who deserves to express my views and my opinions. A person whose vote should count just as much as anyone else’s vote.
When expressing my views feels risky, when other childless cat women feel marginalized or threatened, it is time to speak up. To be seen. To be heard. To be bold. To be brave.
Whether you are a childless cat woman like me or whether you fit into some other neat little marketing/messaging niche, do not let anyone else do your thinking or talking for you. Stand up. Speak up. Make your voice heard. Make your vote count.
Never underestimate the power of a hissed off cat woman with no children.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. Will Rogers This Week’s Challenge:
What issues matter most to you?
And your children?
And their children?
What are you doing to make your voice and your views clear?
